The ancient Chinese often related Red Bean (红豆) to love and romance. This red bean is not the adzuki bean used to prepare the sweet dessert – red bean soup, but it is the heart-shaped scarlet seed of a plant scientifically termed Adenanthera pavonina (海红豆). Chinese name it as “xiang-si dou” (相思豆), the love bean (pea) or the romantic bean (pea). The seed is poisonous in raw, but edible when cooked. Due to its charming color and appearance, it is used to make necklace and ornament as a love emblem for the valentine.

When I was a little girl, my father always brought me some seed pods after his work. And I would love to split the pods, collect the seeds inside and store them in a basket. I did not know its story nor its meaning, I just enjoyed collecting them and admired the full basket of shiny scarlet seeds as if they are gems. Later, my father no longer brought the pods back, he told me the love bean tree had been chopped down, no more pods he could find. I was very unhappy then but soon these love beans were put behind me and replaced by other toys.

Last year while my mother was tidying up the study room, she dug out the love bean basket covered by a thick layer of dust and asked if I still want to keep them. Poor little things, they were abandoned at the corner for so many years! I wanted to keep them as they are a memento of my father but most of them were already moldy and faded. So I had no choice but to tell my mother to throw them away. I am quite regretful for not taking good care of them.

After that I’ve tried to search around for the love bean tree but failed. I couldn’t even find any around my residential area in Malacca. I did see some gift shops selling the love beans in delicate glass bottles but I have no interest in buying them, I prefer to collect the seeds myself. If my “significant other” were to present me such gift, I would appreciate more if he gave me the pods rather than a ready bottle of seeds, unless he made the gift on his own.

I believe this love bean plays a role in my father’s young past too. He led a very harsh life when he was young. Being the eldest in his family, he was forced to quit from his school at the age of 12 and became the breadwinner of his family of 4. He was a very talented man especially in art, just that he was less fortunate in his life. Although he was low-educated, he never gave up in seeking knowledge on his own. He was someone who appreciated every single thing he gained very much. I’m sure he knew the story and meaning of the love bean, too bad I missed the chance to learn them from him.

If only he were still alive, I would ask him what love bean means to him, I believe it would be a great story to share with.

Today, I miss him so much.

《此物最相思》